I want you to know
You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.
If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.
if each day,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
when an unexplained anger pours into your mind, body, and soul. It consumes you. It drowns you.
What is there to be positive about? What do you have to give that is positive.
There is a dart board in my mind. The bulls-eye beckons me. I shoot straight and true. It hits its mark. I am victorious. Yet, I am still furious.
Why must I write negatively? Why must I be angry? What does this life provide that I am feeling this way? I have no answer.
Just the sound of my breathing, the tapping of the keys, and the telemetry monitor screaming V-tach.
I want to be positive. Its there, deep within me, the urge to be happy and the urge to bring happiness around me.
At this moment, in this place, and in my state of mind, no solace can be made.
Sometimes the hospital reminds me of a casino… There is no concept of time, it moves at its own pace. Mostly, time is slow. Moving glacially much to my misfortune.
2100 comes around, only 1 yawn. 2300 comes around 4 yawns, 1 snack, and a bathroom break. 1:00am, how many more hours to go? 3:00 am, its time for computer browsing. 5:00 am, really? 6:00am, SOOOO CLOSE…. 7:00 am… patient threw up time to clean up the mess.
I can only imagine what the future holds for me. All I know is that I’m aiming for day shifts. Being a morning person does not mean leaving with the rising sun. Sometimes you just gotta do whattcha gotta do.
Another 2 hours to go.